For Better or Worse: The Warrior Wife

In our 10 years of marriage, God has taken us down paths we never expected and through trials we never imagined. We aren’t perfect – but we’re a team. And we weather life’s storms together.

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How did you meet your husband and how long have you been married?
My husband and I met at the National Youthworkers Convention in 2008. We were both working full-time in youth ministry and were introduced by a mutual friend. We were married in 2009, exactly one year after our first date, which means that our 10th anniversary is quickly approaching!! Our plan was to work together in youth ministry forever. We used to joke that we wouldn’t quit until our grandchildren told us we were embarrassing them at youth group. Life has taken a lot of twists and turns since then. My husband entered the business world 5 years ago and has worked his way up to a director position in his company. I stay home with our son.

How do you share responsibilities?
Our son was born with a life threatening birth defect and has some complicated medical issues because of it. I spend many days traveling to the children’s hospital, on the phone with doctors or the insurance company, doing medical research, and caring for him when he’s sick. While I focus on all those things, my husband works long hours at a demanding job, in order to provide for us.

How do you deal with disagreements and difficult situations?
Some of our biggest disagreements have stemmed from decisions we’ve had to make about our son’s health. We have been faced with many decisions that didn’t have a clearly “right” answer. In those moments, my husband is much better at looking at the facts where I tend to be ruled by my emotions. When tensions are running high, it’s easy to feel like we’re fighting against each other – but the Lord put us together because we need each other.  I need him to make the tough calls when I can’t, and he needs me to trust him and support his decisions. We’ve also had to fight incredibly hard at times to get our son the care he needs. That isn’t something that comes naturally to me. So, while I’m usually the one on the front lines, I need him to be my backbone.

It’s important for me to remember that we’re a team. My husband’s job requires him to be away from us a lot and it’s easy for me to feel burned out at home. The enemy sometimes whispers to me that I shouldn’t have to do everything alone and it’s important I see that for the lie it is. I’m not doing anything alone. My husband puts our family first, by working hard to provide for our needs – and I need to be constantly striving to do my part with a grateful heart.

What do you say or do to regularly build up and encourage your husband?
I think we all need encouragement, especially from our spouses. I admit that I sometimes fall short in this department but I do try to be my husband’s biggest cheerleader. I try to make a point of vocalizing how much I appreciate him. I don’t speak poorly of him to other people, and I’m especially careful how I speak to and about him in front of our son. He’s confident that his dad is the coolest, strongest, best guy in the world – and I don’t ever want to do or say anything to the contrary.

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What words of advice or encouragement do you have for women who may be struggling in their marriage?
Cling to each other during the hard moments. They will come. That’s why the vows include “… for worse.”  Use those heartbreaking, faith shaking moments to draw closer to each other instead of pulling away. I know it’s easier said than done – but your marriage will grow stronger if you can ride out the storms together.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Find an older couple you admire and ask them to mentor you. Call your pastor and ask him to pray. Surround yourself with people who want to see your marriage succeed and thrive. Taking steps to strengthen and protect your marriage doesn’t show weakness, it demonstrates the strength of your commitment to each other.

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